décembre 2011
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Highly Inappropriate Tales for Young People
Actually quite funny (especially considering it’s by Douglas Coupland, one of the strangest people who calls Canada home). Easy read. I was done in like an hour.
There’s 7 short stories:
Donald, the Incredibly Hostile Juice Box
Sandra, he Truly Dreadful Babysitter
Hans, the Weird Exchange Student (a real winner)
Brandon, the Action Figure with Issues
Cindy, the Terrible Role...
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“back in my high school days we just had a song for remembering the quadratic...”
– 15 Horribly Nerdy Tattoos I’d Never Get
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DIYP cooking cooking #8(c): Leftover Ham...
In case you didn’t know, I’m a classy middle aged man in the body of a 19 year old woman.
So this is what I concocted with ham today:
Yup, I’ve got class to the (pig’s) ass. It’s ham, sauerkraut (class!), aged white cheddar (none of that deliciously confusing orange shit!), and fancy mustard (the kind with the seeds still in! it’s kind of brown! not yellow!)...
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DIYP cooking cooking #8(b): Leftover Ham...
Ham omelet.
I’m getting tired of ham, and so are my arteries.
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Kielbasa + instant noodles
= instant grand success
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DIYP cooking cooking #8(a): Leftover Ham...
We had ham for Christmas. Now I’m dealing with the consequences: copious amounts of leftover ham.
Today I combined it with leftover scalloped potatoes, peas, and cottage cheese. It was good. Probably not very healthy, but good. And it took like 5min to make. Definitely a winner.
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Merry Christmas. I need a drink.
This is what I had for breakfast.
The fam left around 5AM and I wouldn’t have noticed, except that the cat decided to mourn the loss of the family members that actually love her by meowing incessantly for over an hour. But I was too tired to shut her in the basement or turn to violence, so I mostly just slept really poorly until she shut up.
Then she woke me up around 10AM. This time I...
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My parents are not leaving me with very much food.
Nor are they leaving me with any grocery money (/bitter).
but
they are leaving me with a lot of wine.
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Christmas Spirit
Since the rest of the fam is leaving at the crack of dawn tomorrow morning, we’re doing Christmas a day early chez g-nomey.
Clearly little sister knows exactly what Christmas is about:
Free stickers taken from the hands of disadvantaged children. That’s what true Christmas spirit is about.
And yes, I got white out in my stocking. It’s a good, useful gift, ok? And in case you...
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I am a winner at life.
I just dropped a course in practical environmental planning for one about folklore.
Whee~~
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Charlie Brown Christmas
Is it bad that I really identify with Lucy?
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“When he woke up the next day, the world was still there, and things were already...”
– Haruki Murakami, 1Q84. This, ladies and gents, is how to close a chapter.
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WTF. little sister.
*little sister chases me into my room and begins to kick me*
G-nomey: ARGH! WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!
Sister: Kicking you in the kneecaps. Obviously.
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“If the pubes are THAT bothersome to you then YOU ARE NOT DOING ORAL CORRECTLY....”
– unknowablewoman, the love of my fucking life
No seriously, you should write a how-to guide for awesome sexytimes. And this should be the title.
You’re Not Supposed To Be Licking the Hairy Part (and 256 other handy sex tips) by Raven
I would buy ALL of that shit.
(via tehsunshine)
That reminds...
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“You think that’s sad? Well then think about genocide!”
– My sister, who clearly does not understand the difference between “sad” and “tragic and disgusting”.
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Carping on about Christmas Music... →
I’m going into my 3rd retail christmas, which means for three years i have listened to Christmas music and only Christmas music for hours upon hours upon hours without respite.
It used to bother me. A lot.
But now I’ve come to terms with it. Now I play a game where I try to find “winners” in every category. For example, Most Childhood Ruining Christmas Song? Santa Baby....
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My sister got food poisoning
She got it from eating something made by the foods class at her high school, obviously.
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Smashbox makes BB cream now?
huh.
They’re promoting it like it is BRAND NEW INFORMATION. Quite amusing. I think I will try it once I’m done my Tarte tinted moisturizer (which is super awesome amazing btw).
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Christmas Cards
I usually make my own Christmas Cards, but let’s face it, I’m incredibly lazy. So this year I’m doing cop-out Christmas Cards that I plundered from my mom’s stash.
Of course, that means they’re all penguin themed. As I’ve mentioned before, my mom loves penguins but lately she’s started to back off from the penguin collecting because it’s getting a...
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You know you live too far north when... pt 2
My back alley, 8AM. Pitch. Fucking. Dark.
3:30PM. Sun is setting.
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Remember how my mother was "learning" Spanish?
She’s been at it for about 6 weeks by my count. She practices every couple of days and listens to podcasts and has plenty of resources at her disposal. I assumed that things were going well. And then this happened:
I was grabbing some coffee and we were having a chat, then I turned around to shuffle back to my cave.
Mom: Ok! Back to the uno! trece! cuatro! cinco!
Me: … uhhh…...
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Things I did today
1. French Canadian line dancing with a disinterested and possibly not even French Canadian animator and about 40 even more disinterested 13 year old girls. Me and the teacher had fun though.
2. Impersonated my 56 year-old boss for the people at Bell.
I know what you’re thinking: this sounds like identity fraud. I know because that’s what I thought too when she asked me to call them...
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Shit my mom sends me #2
I think you should get a sweater like this to remind you of the real meaning of Christmas (no, I don’t mean tacky gifts). I found this here. Did I tell you that I saw a cabbage patch baby in the manger in a crèche scene at a house near [family friend]?
it’s good to know i came by my taste in fashion fuckery honestly.
